Inspired by a famous psychology study
36 Questions to Fall in Love
In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues published a study on how closeness can be built between two people. Pairs took turns answering a series of questions that slowly became more personal, in three rounds. Many participants reported feeling much closer afterwards, and the idea became famous years later as the 36 questions to fall in love.
The magic is not in any single question. It is in the structure: gradual, mutual openness where both people share and listen. Below you will find how to try it as a couple, plus 36 original questions we wrote in the same three-round spirit. You can read the original research through the link in the FAQ.
Round one: warming up
- If you could spend a whole day with anyone, living or not, who would it be?
- What does your perfect ordinary day look like, from morning to night?
- When did you last sing just for yourself?
- What is something you are quietly proud of?
- If you could keep one ability forever, what would it be?
- What is a small thing that always improves your mood?
- What is a question you wish people asked you more?
- Which three words would your friends use to describe you?
- What is a place that makes you feel instantly calm?
- What is one thing you are looking forward to this year?
- What would you do with an unexpected free week?
- What is a song that feels like your life right now?
Round two: going deeper
- What is a dream you have held onto since childhood?
- What is the most meaningful thing a friend has done for you?
- What is a memory you return to when you need comfort?
- What is something you have changed your mind about as you grew up?
- What role does love play in your life right now?
- What is a relationship in your life you wish were closer?
- What is a lesson you learned the hard way?
- What is something you have always wanted to try but feared?
- What does being a good partner mean to you?
- How do you feel about your childhood when you look back?
- What would you want to be remembered for?
- What is a moment you felt truly understood by someone?
Round three: fully open
- Tell me three things you appreciate about me right now.
- What is something about me you noticed early on and still love?
- Finish the sentence: I wish I had someone I could share...
- What is something you have never told me?
- When did you last cry in front of someone?
- What is a hope you have for us?
- What is something I could do that would make you feel deeply cared for?
- What is a fear you rarely say out loud?
- What moment made you feel closest to me?
- What is something you want me to know about you that you find hard to say?
- Share a personal struggle and ask for my advice on it.
- What does feeling at home with me mean to you?
How to do the 36 questions as a couple
- Pick a quiet evening with at least an hour free and phones away.
- Take turns: one person asks and both answer each question.
- Go in order. The rounds are designed to build openness gradually.
- Listen without interrupting or fixing. Curiosity beats advice.
- Skip any question that feels too much tonight and come back later.
- At the end, the original study included a moment of quiet eye contact. Try it if it feels right.
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Frequently asked questions
What are the 36 questions to fall in love?
They come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, in which pairs answered increasingly personal questions in three rounds to build closeness. Our page offers 36 original questions in the same spirit.
Where can I read the original 36 questions?
The original research is Aron et al., The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 1997. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley also hosts a well-known version of the questions.
Do the 36 questions really make people fall in love?
The study showed the questions increased feelings of closeness between participants. Love is not guaranteed, but the structure of mutual, gradual openness genuinely helps people connect.
Can long-term couples use the 36 questions?
Yes. Couples often discover surprising new things about each other. Many repeat it every year as a ritual.
Is there an app for couple questions like these?
Loveto sends you both one question a day and reveals the answers only when you have both replied.
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